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Loving Yourself Before Choosing to Love Someone Else

“Love yourself first, that is the only person you will undoubtedly spend the rest of your life with”

To anyone who has come out of a relationship heartbroken, or who has ended a relationship because you found yourself in a different place to the other person I want to say: I feel your pain! There is something peaceful about accepting the easy. We find ourselves settling into a comfortable relationship and forgetting who we are, what we wanted before we started and ignoring the way we are being treated. If you have ever been in this situation, I wanted to let you know that it is OK to feel not OK. It is OK to walk away from someone that you may still really care about because you find yourselves on a different page. It is OK to spend hours crying over the person who you thought was the love of your life but who decided “they didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore”. And in the aftermath of the tears shed, it is OK to be angry with that person, all of things are OK because no one can tell you what your grieving process should look like. What is important however, is to not jump back in when your heart is still very fragile and more breakable than ever (even if you don’t want to admit that it does).

Ed Sheeran so wisely said “Before I love someone else, I have to love myself”. Listen to Ed Sheeran, he is a highly intelligent and evolved ginger man, this is the most important lesson I can teach you in life! 7 in 10 young girls believe that they are not good enough or don’t measure up in some way - These numbers are astronomical but not at all surprising. We put so much of our self-worth into the way others view us or feel about us that when relationships fall apart we find ourselves doubting everything we knew to be true.

Again, I am not an expert of loving yourself, this list is just as much for me as it is for anyone reading it but... Here is a comprehensive list of things that I think are essential to helping you feel better and love yourself before you dive back into another serious relationship:


1.     Take a social media detox:

The way that our generation and the generations that are coming after us takes in social media cannot possibly be good for us. Our bodies are not designed to spend hours looking at tiny screens and evolution has just not quite caught up with us yet. The amount of headaches, back and chest pains I get just from the way I sit at my computer or look down at my phone is unbelievable. It messes with your sleep patterns and you find yourself engrossed in a virtual world with no real understanding why. Aside from the obvious physical symptoms of our social media intake, studies show a serious and severe correlation between social media and mental health issues with young people. I myself am guilty of comparing my behind the scenes to someone else’s social media highlight reel and it can be incredibly detrimental to one’s self- esteem and mental health. It is so easy to get caught up in the world that people promote on Instagram and Facebook and we forget to see the good things in our life. We forget to recognise that each one of these people are fighting their own battles, we just don’t see it blasted all over social media.

As I propose this, I am aware that many of us, myself included, use social media as a means of staying connected. We use it to keep up to date with friends, television programs and the news. Taking weeks at a time away from the virtual world that we have become so dependent on is not always realistic. Ultimately, taking just a few hours a day away from that world can greatly benefit the way we feel about ourselves without our even realising it.

Think about how often you go on social media throughout the day. I personally find myself on Facebook or Instagram:

1.     As soon as I wake up in the morning.
2.     After exercising as I am cooling down.
3.     After eating breakfast before getting up and starting the day.
4.     Every single time I go to the bathroom throughout the day.
5.     At quieter moments at work (oops- don’t tell my boss).
6.     At night before dinner.
7.     At night after dinner.
8.     In bed before going to sleep.
9.     Any time I watch a TV episode and want to see what other people are saying about it.
10.  In any waiting room.
11.  When out to dinner and the other person leaves the table for a moment.
12.  In line at Coles/ Woolies
13.  Literally just as I was writing this because I ran out of ideas.

Clearly, I don’t practice what I preach, but I am working on it. I think that being able to limit your consumption through something as simple as deleting the apps during the day, or setting up limits on our usage is so important to helping some of the self-esteem issues that many of us have.

2.     Taking time to spend with Friends/ Family:

Our connections to other people is what keeps many of us going. Take the time to breath and be with friends and family. Even just a lunch or day shopping can take so much pressure off your back. Talk to the important people in your life about the things that are hurting you or bothering you. Odds are they are feeling a similar way and have advice that might just help you through the day. At the very least you will get it off your shoulders and might just feel a little less alone in this big crazy world.

3.     Take compliments!

How many times has someone said something to you like: “Hey you’ve lost weight” or “you look great” and you answer with “Thanks but I haven’t” or “Thanks but I hate my [Insert body part here]”. I know this is going to sound cray but… Try, just once, just taking the compliment. People don’t say things for no reason, if they say you look great it is because you do. At the very least it’s because they want you to feel good about yourself and isn’t that an amazing this to do for another person? So, FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF! Allow the compliment to fill you up, let it consume you until you start to believe it and walk on with the confidence of knowing that someone thinks you look great! And as you move on with the day, return the favour. If you see someone wearing a nice dress or someone who looks nice, let them know, you have no idea how much they may need to hear that and you’ll be surprised how good it can make you feel to make someone’s day.


4.     Make plans

Know what you want out of this crazy life, or at least have some rough idea. Humans have the unique ability to make conscious decisions about how we want to live our lives, and it is amazing! Sure, your plans may not always work out, in fact, they probably won’t – but making a plan, and adjusting it when things go wrong or differently is so important to helping you feel in control of the way you feel.

5.     Travel!!!

I know this tip isn’t for everyone, but if you have the travel bug like me or you have ever thought it might be kind of fun, get onto SkyScanner right now and book that trip! Take in new parts of world in with your favourite people. Or, if you are brave enough, travel on your own. Trust me, it is not as scary as it sounds. Solo travel does wonders for our ability to be retrospective, it allows us to take a step back and really see the world around us. Seeing a different part of the world allows you to put your own life into perspective and often gives you the clarity you have been looking for.

6.     Get off the dating apps.

If you are one of the few that enjoys dating apps, you do you, but if you are like me and it just stressed you out, stay off them. I am a strong believer that we find the right person when we aren’t looking for them. They stumble into your life and throw everything off course in the best possible way. There is something freeing about finding yourself and letting someone fall in love with the person you are becoming, not the person you have become for them. I know at times it is easy to feel really alone and you want that closeness but it is so important to love yourself first.  

7.     Eat healthy when you can but if you want that chocolate cake… eat that chocolate cake!

Don’t deprive yourself of the things that make you feel better in the hardest parts of your life. If your day has gone to absolute shit and you cried the whole way home, you go to Coles and you get the bag of Freddos you have been thinking about all day, and you eat them all, in bed with a depressing Netflix movie playing in front of you!

8.     Live loud and love your life while it lasts

We only get so long on this earth, it’s not long enough to spend your whole life hurting over someone who probably hasn’t given you a second thought today. Get up tomorrow and do something that you love and that you may not always get the chance to do. Whatever it is, do it unapologetically, without regret, annoy everyone around you with how amazing life can be when you give in and just have a bit of fun!

9.     Take as long as you need:

If you feel ready to date again in a few weeks’ time, you do it! If you need 5 years before you want to give your heart to another human being you do that! You do what you need to do, when you need to do it and for as long as you need until you feel ready!



Love is not a game! It can be the best thing in the world and it can hurt like hell all at the same time! Take time to breathe in the moments you don’t have it and remember that no matter how alone you feel, someone out there is in your corner and is watching out for you!

Sending Love x

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